Life's an adventure not a worry....

A friend gave me a t-shirt with that slogan and it's been my motto for the year so far. So true it is, if you reflect on the little (or big) challenges that life throws at you. They say that hindsight is a wonderful thing. I'm not sure if it is really wonderful, in fact, in some cases I'd say that it is a bad thing, as it allows you the possibility to look back at some decisions and curse yourself for making mistakes. But, if you use it purely to give you perspective then it may be considered beneficial.

So, as I sit here in my student apartment, alone, with darkness falling outside in the middle of the afternoon, the day after Christmas, I try to remain positive and repeat that slogan over in my head... "life's an adventure, not a worry". As I reflect on the year that was, I can't really believe that I'm in this little apartment, in Jyväskylä, Finland, at Christmas. It is almost difficult to imagine the places that I have been this year, if it wasn't for the memories and the hundreds, or thousands of photos that I have collected. To think that I was at work in March in Melbourne, then in the Caribbean in April sailing a catamaran with my mates as we cruised from island to island in search of some spectacular one day cricket. To think then that in July I was in Las Vegas and LA at the end of a 3 month road trip around America and Canada, shortly after followed by a couple of weeks in both Ireland and England. I landed here in September and now, 4 months on, with most of the students having returned home for Christmas, I have the chance to think a lot about the year and it seems kind of bizarre.

Bizarre is definitely a word I have run through my head many times over the last few months. Usually it is followed by what the "%$@ am I doing in Finland? A question which is asked regularly by those Finns who I have met at various times since arriving. They're curious to know why I came to Jyväskylä and sometimes I ask myself the same question - Dave, why did you come to Finland? It is then that I reflect on the various challenges that I have faced over the last year or so and I think about when I was sitting at my desk in Melbourne feeling bored one day and searching for answers as to what the future should hold. Study is one option I thought and after some internet searching for various subject fields, I came across Sports Management at the University of Jyväskylä Finland. Finland! Reflecting now, I think I decided to apply because it was a radical manoeuvre. I thought maybe my life needs a drastic change. Maybe I was drawn to the mysteriousness of Finland, of reindeer, Santa and Saunas and beautiful women. The reality though was a desire to try something new, to take a risk and explore a different path. I thought the course material looked interesting and the free tuition was a drawcard.

I remember finding out that I was accepted when I was in St Vincent and going for some ice and beer supplies to the nearest dockside facilities. I thought, shit, now I have to decide whether I go or not. "Life's an adventure, not a worry" again popped into my head and I thought stuff it, why not? Some part of thinks in hindsight, was that the best decision... what if I had have turned down the offer and gone home instead, and believe me there were certainly times throughout the USA roadtrip that I could have jumped straight on a plane and headed back to see my family and friends. Again, I thought, I've taken the risk so far and If I never go, then I'll never know.

I remember arriving here at my apartment and feeling like I was going back in time, I thought what's a 30 year old doing here in this student village, starting uni again. The first weeks were exciting though and I was sure I'd settle in okay once I got going and I was determined to work hard to make my studies worthwhile. In my last entry I was writing that I was still quite enthusiastic having had a few weeks of classes. The material was quite different from my first degree in Engineering, and certainly the environment was different from my first foray into university. So what happened next?

I questioned my motives, I thought about the culture and lifestyle of Melbourne, of my friends and family back in Australia. I thought about where I wanted my life to be headed in the next few years and again I thought what the $%#^ am I doing here? I was partying with exchange students, having a good time with the others from my course but I've always been feeling like my time here is holding me back. I've constantly thought "I don't feel like myself, I don't feel that I'm living life with the energy and enthusiasm that my friends have come to recognise in me when I'm in the zone. I didn't feel "Dave". I almost felt like Jim Carrey in the Truman Show, like I was living life but almost artificially.

I have laid awake at night many times this past Autumn here and wrestled with my decision. Do I stay here for two years and finish the course or do I go home and go back to work and try something else. So many times I would change my mind. It's not so bad here, the people are nice, student life is kind of fun... then... what are you doing, you're already qualified professional, you have things you want to do, activities you want to engage in, people you want to enjoy life with... So hard it has been to fight the challenges... not to worry... to look at this as an adventure.. and hindsight comes again. I think, I wouldn't have known what this was like if I never gave it a go. Someone once said to me, "the hardest thing is always to leave... the easiest option is to stay wherever you are". This was true when I was first interested to come here... it was hard to accept the offer, and now it has been hard to make a decision about leaving, but I was sick of indecision, of worrying about what was the right decision. I knew that whatever decision I made it would be the right one. And so I bit the bullet and booked a return.

There are positives for staying here and there are positives for going home. I haven't felt one hundred percent enthusiastic since the first few weeks of the course. I haven't felt challenged or that I am learning much at all that I haven't learned through life experience and working. Sure I've gained some more direct insights into a field of study that I haven't touched before but I've weighed up the physical, emotional and financial demands of staying here and tried to put them into perspective in terms of my future and I am determined to make a new start in Melbourne again.

I know that I will cop some criticism from some for not sticking it out and I'll take that with a grain of salt because I know how tough it has been to come to this decision. Often I think that my life is tough, that for some it appears so straight forward and easy and then I wear that t-shirt proudly, that whilst maybe I haven't got it all worked out, at least I'm having an adventure while trying. I'm off to Poland tomorrow and then Germany and Switzerland. I figure I might as well have a good time before I head off! Check out my travel blog for some updates on that later on. didjidave.blogspot.com

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year... and remember

Life's an adventure, not a worry.

Dave.